rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
