New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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