then he tried to convert me to islam
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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