Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
