my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
