My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
