Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
PANTIES FOUND
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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