We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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