I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
