your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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