The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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