My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
