I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize