her vagine was all disorganized.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
