So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
