he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
