What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
