I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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