do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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