Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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