He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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