Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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