Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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