it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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