it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
