I skipped work to stalk him.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
