oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
