How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
