: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
