we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize