Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
