I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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