My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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