I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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