So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
