So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
