i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
