areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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