Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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