you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
