Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
