I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
