Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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