guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
