And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I looked at my own cervix.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
