So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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