community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
