my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
