Dual....:-)
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
