May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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