i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
