this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
