I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
