clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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