Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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