OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
