I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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