I heard we made out
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
