So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
