Is it normal to miss your booty call?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
