Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
