Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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