If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Randomize
