I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
