I swear god or herbie drove my car home
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
