Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
