Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
