Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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