one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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