I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
