So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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