so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
