what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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