so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
