The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
