i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i think i just lost a toe
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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