Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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