i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
someone owes me an orgasm
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
