just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I still have a little drunk in my system
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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