Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
