just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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