Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
porn star boner night. come get it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
