hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
