just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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