You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
