I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
