So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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