yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
