Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
