What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
