There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
