when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
lets start a swedish sibling band together
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
