the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
