At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
where am i from again
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
