I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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