Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
