shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
