Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize