allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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