She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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