I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
