Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
