butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
