that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
