I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
