I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
