Taylor Swift is so right about you.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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