There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
