Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
